3 - EXPERT ARTICLE DRAFT

Turn Your Vices into Virtues like Water into Wine

A simple guide to turning your bad drinking habits into a skill to impress.

Let’s be honest. If you’re reading this article, chances are you either went to college or are currently a college student. I’m sure those memories of shotgunning Natty Lights, sipping on White Claws, and ladling mysterious tropical battery acid from a large plastic storage bin reminiscent of storage in your parent’s garage aren’t too far gone. Back in these days, drinking was something you did to lose your inhibitions, get wild with your friends, and add a little extra chaos to your night.

Perhaps you’re like me, though. Perhaps, after a long and lonely quarantine, barred from going to social gatherings, fraternity houses, or bars, you realize the beauty in the alcoholic drink as a concept. You don’t want to drink to get wasted and wake up with regrets--you want to sip with sophistication and learn how to be a true adult. Why not turn what was previously a childish act of rash parental defiance, and turn your vices into an act of class and charm by learning how to bartend?

The thought of learning how to bartend can sound quite daunting at first. After all, there is an uncountable number of spirits to choose from, and hundreds of cocktails out there that have names with no indication of what the drink consists of. Furthermore, if your only exposure to bartending is from going to a bar, I’m sure you’ve seen what the professional bartender’s arsenal looks like.

What if I told you that you don’t need hundreds of bottles to start making great cocktails? Here, I’ll teach you the core basics of how to start bartending on a budget, using what you already have in your kitchen.

What makes a great cocktail?

Knowing which cocktails taste good and which ones don’t seems like an easy task--all it takes is a sip to know. But breaking that down is tricky, as personal preference will play a huge part in what your favorite cocktails are.

Balancing Flavor Profiles

Like with all things food and drink related, what differentiates a god drink from a great drink comes down to subtle details. Take the pretty well noted baking fact that sprinkling sea salt on chocolate or caramel desserts will intensify and elevate the rich notes. The reasoning as to why this work relies on the creation of a contrast, between sweet and salty, that helps bring out deeper flavors of the ingredients that are masked my over-sweetness.

The same principles apply to bartending. Despite popular belief among the younger generation that sweeter is always better, since the taste and burn of the alcohol is masked. In reality, my favorite drinks are the ones that actually leverage the taste of the alcohol itself (but not too much, I still enjoy having working tate buds), as they don’t get sickening to drink and allow you to truly enjoy the cocktail experience rather than guzzle it down.

Bartending Essentials Straight from your Kitchen

You might be thinking, Serena, I don’t have any fancy cocktail ingredients or mixers in my house. I don’t even have any cool flavored alcohols, like blue curacao or triple sec. But have no fear! According to the Sage Encyclopedia of Alcohol, the term bartending was coined in the 19th century when America was experiencing enormous waves of immigration, and many of the ingredients used in classic cocktails were not originally intended for cocktail mixing. In fact, the fundamental premise of cocktails is that an American drink combines ingredients invented in other countries for other purposes.

Lucky for you, this means that you can make cocktails with just about anything you can find in your house, even the simplest ingredients. Listed are a few essential ingredients, but keep in mind that you can find your way around a lot of these if you're in a pinch!

• Your favorite alcohols (flavored or non-flavored, hard or not)
• If you don't have a favorite, I'd recommend any kind of vodka as a start; unflavored if you want the most freedom of what drinks you can make.
• Any fruit (go with what's in season or in your fridge)
• Acid (lemons, limes or other citrus are usually the go to)
• Sweetener (sugar, simple syrup, honey, or agave are popular)
• Ice
• Sparkling/tonic water

Keep in mind that anything in your pantry can be used to make drinks. I've seen drinks be made with anything from jalapeno peppers to bacon, and personally, some funky things I've used for experimentation include Greek yogurt, maple syrup, eggs (it's more common than you'd think), and ginger!

Formulas for Success

Here is a simple, foolproof way to make a simple cocktail that can be jazzed up as you get more and more comfortable with experimentation.

2 oz. your favorite neutral or fruit-flavored hard liquor

2 tbs. lemon or lime juice

ice

tonic water

sweetener, to taste

[ not finished ]

Bibliography

Hartke, Kristen. Now, there is Zero Proof that Alcohol is what Makes A Great Cocktail. NPR, Washington, 2019. ProQuest, http://libproxy.usc.edu/login?url=https://www-proquest-com.libproxy1.usc.edu/blogs,-podcasts,-websites/now-there-is-zero-proof-that-alcohol-what-makes/docview/2194912215/se-2?accountid=14749.

Kte'pi, Bill. "Bartending." The SAGE Encyclopedia of Alcohol: Social, Cultural, and Historical Perspectives. Edited by Scott C. Martin. Vol. 1. Thousand Oaks: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2015, pp. 226-29. SAGE Knowledge. 10 Feb 2021, doi: http://www.doi.org.libproxy1.usc.edu/10.4135/9781483331096.n72.